Why is it we (okay me) can’t trust ourselves (myself)?
The minute, the very minute I tell myself I’m not going to do something, or I’m going to do such and such, I can count on myself to do the opposite?
Why can’t I do as I say? Why don’t I listen to myself?
Take exercise, and you might as well since I obviously do not have any healthy respect for it. I tell myself tomorrow I start walking again—come hell or high water—weird old expression eh? Why not come hell or heaven, or come drought or high water? So let’s say come whatever tomorrow my plan is to walk. And, even when something gets in the way I overflow with intention. Even when that one something turns into eight or nine somethings and the walk keeps getting pushed to ‘later’ I still insist my intention is good. Only, only when it’s beyond later than later and it’s too late do I admit defeat and immediately start re-plan for the next tomorrow.
Same thing with Jujubes. I feel the desire for those fruity globs building and I tell myself I’m not heading down that gelatinous road to gluttony again. Yeah right.How many times have I bought a bag of them and promised myself I’d only eat a handful—even as my hand is repeat dipping. I’ve even eaten them to the point of . . . belly-pain ugly. Did it cure me?
This time I fought the craving valiantly. I held off for an entire week before caving. Finally, yesterday, with the craving larger than my brain I told Man-wonder I had library research to do. I did too. I just left out the parts I felt he didn’t need to know. You see, he’s a male – so to him, eating Jujubes is—find ‘em, eat ‘em. For me, things need to be set in place before I can snarf.
- First stop—dropping off our new (yeah, four months ago) contact numbers to the doctors’ office. I want to be covered just in case the Jujubes re-conglomulate in my arteries accidentally.
- Second stop—the health food store to stock up on the good shit to combat the bad shit I was heading for.
But, hey, this time I only bought a few (okay, one scoop full) and I spread out my gummy party to eating half before the library, figuring concentration would be way finer once the cravings were taken care of and half for the ride home. After all, if I didn’t finish them before I got home I’d have to explain (= share).
Today I plan to fill up on green smoothies and raw carrots all the way. . . unless. . .something. . . gooey, or doughy, or heaven-scented, or sweet gets in the way. . .