Crap Days & Kissy-faces

Today’s blog is late because I was venting. Being inside-out ugly, and wrote out a short but crap-minded blog on my laptop, copied it to memory stick, transferred it over to main computer only to then wipe it out of existence by being careless. Pissed beyond reason, I stomped off,  found Man-wonder and had a few moments of ugly with him. (We’re giving each other BIG spaces right now.)

Eventually, I tried to retrieve the original blog. Almost put myself in another major hissy-fit. Man, I could feel the ugly words pushing their way up like sprouts in spring. That’s when the universe tapped on my skull and stopping me mid-hiss. Maybe, just maybe, the ugly blog wasn’t meant to be. Maybe it needed to be wiped out before other eyes read the ugliness.

Which took me back a few years to when I was reading Julie Cameron’s words and how she inspired me to journal. It was like I finally got permission to spit out nasties like a whore in an alley of pennypinchers. Only I never saved any of the spewing. I knew I would never want to re-read it. So the minute I finished each three page session I threw it in the wood stove. I just knew I wouldn’t anyone else reading those nasty words either. Once the emotions and thoughts are scribbled onto the paper, they are just words and not so much the truth anymore.

And that made me realize, my blog of ugly didn’t need to go on public display. And there would be no need for me to end my blog yelling, “DUCK—INCOMING CRAP” because I was feeling too mean and ugly to warn anyone until it was too late. Nah, let’s end this baby with kissy-faces and sunshine. . .

Oh, yuck, let’s not

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