A warning to those who might need it.

If anyone is expecting a light-hearted blog or a funny one – better close the page now. This is me telling anyone who is reading this blog to pay attention to yourself. Your inner self if you are feeling stress. Long term or short term—find a neutral party to discuss it with—not your partner, not a family member, not even a friend. Find someone who has no invested personal interest in you and start talking.

I didn’t. I thought what with my meditations (not medications) and my self-talks I had things under control. Caretaker, money issues, relationship issues are all things that are stressful. Becoming the mother to a parent , becoming the person who stands between her and everything that could cause her angst – it’s all stressful.

But I thought I could handle it. Hell, some days I felt like superwoman. I was getting through it.

But I wasn’t. After Mom fell and hit her head because I was seconds too slow to prevent it and I know I will live with that sound of her head connecting to the floor for a long, long time and the grief that followed was like the opening of the vault door to all the emotions I’d been hanging onto without release.

The fact that I disappointed people to the point of their anger was all it took to let the ugliness inside of me shoot all over everyone. I took it out on two people that were important to me. I absolutely went rank with anger, frustration, grief. I hit them with every bit of venom I had. It destroyed relationships that cannot be mended because how do you get past ugly words?

You don’t. They always hang in there like a virus waiting to pop back up and wreck a state of mind.

I was called a narcissist. Was I? Probably, but I don’t think anyone locked in a shitload of head stress can be anything else. You can’t. You simply are incapable of thinking beyond the worries in your own head.

Why am I spilling my guts in public like this? Because, it is so, SO very important that you, or someone you are watching doesn’t fool yourself/them into thinking a long term stressful situation is easily managed. Won’t work. Problems need to be pulled out and dealt with. If the stress doesn’t turn into disease, it’s gotta’ go somewhere and the mouth is the next place.

And that is worse than a cancer.

I’ll say it again—if you are feeling stress, talk to someone. Someone neutral. GET IT OUT BEFORE IT DOES IRREPARABLE DAMAGE and you chance losing everything.

Just do it!

1 Comment »

  1. I could not refrain from commenting. Well written!


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