Getting older is an unfunny funny thing when it’s happening to you. Kneeling is a prime sample of this.
When you’re younger, it’s down and up with a spring. Middle age is down and up and maybe not so springy; and definitely less quiet. Old age is a whole new experience—it’s more of a cranky slow train of communication between body parts.
Let’s say you’ve just finished painting a bottom cupboard and want to stand up. So your brain tells your knees to hop to it.
. . . The Knees yelp, “Are you shitting us?”
Your brain tries commando, knowing Knees have been a bit whiny lately. “Rise dammit.”
Knees yell back to Toes, “A little help here amigos.”
Toes, sounding apologetic, kick back with, “Sorry Knobs but we’re busy helping Arches. The poor buggers are cramping up with us bent like we are.”
Knees squirm and call up to Brain, “Hey, Command Center, Knees here. It’s a no go unless Arms stop hanging like hypnotized chimpanzees and help. Maybe mouth could give a shout-out for help.”
Brain gives a sigh. “C’mon everybody, let’s try working this out like a team. One for all, all for one, right?”
“Yeah—well tell that to Thighs. A little pushing action from them babies would have us straightened right out. But do they bother to tighten up? No, they just hang there putting more pressure on us. It’s not fair.”
“Yeah,” Thighs jiggle in disgust, “we’d help you two overgrown knuckles but it’s all we can do to keep these pillowy pads in motion. We’re as overworked as you two.”
Knees snort in derision. “Like roll us in jelly—we wouldn’t mind your cushy positions in this life!”
Brain breaks in with, “BODY! You’re behaving like children. All this sniping and complaining isn’t helping. Let’s try working together. Arms—reach out and grab the counter. Toes—curl back and pull that kneepad in under Arches. Knees—get ready to straighten out. Toes are going to push, thighs are going to lift upwards ,and arms are going to pull everyone forward. Everyone ready now? Okay, on the count of three. . . one . . .WAIT. . . what?”`
Brain is silent for a second. It comes back to tell the others, “Mouth wants to help by grunting. Kind of like cheerleading for the team. So—okay gang, we’re going for uplift now — one, two, three . . . good. Good! Annnd . . . we’re up and mobile again. Excellent job everyone! And see, no crane needed.
.
. . .Arms, you can let go of the counter and, uh, Mouth—is that heavy breathing really necessary?”
writeknit Said:
on September 24, 2015 at 7:07 pm
LOL have you been peeking in my window? This is totally me.
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caymayowrites Said:
on September 24, 2015 at 7:27 pm
Hah! Methinks there is a lot of us in that boat eh?
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insearchofitall Said:
on September 23, 2015 at 5:10 pm
Yup, that’s just what mine said. Wonder what the conversation will be like next year. You pegged it perfectly.
🙂
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